To feel happy, it’s not enough to have fun with your friends, and not feel guilty about yelling all the time, and feel like you’re working in the right job; you also need to feel growth—a sense of learning, of betterment, of advancement, of contributing to the growth of others.
Edward Deci has previously written that the three key intrinsic motivations that help us be happy are good relationships with those we care about, being connected to a larger community, and a sense of personal growth.
Mutual Improvement: http://www.mutualimprovement.com/
A blog by the creators of 43 Things that mashes up ideas about personal development, happiness, statistics, emotions, neurobiology, cognitive science and all the things that make life worth living.
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Decided to start my happiness project from July this year. Will log the progress here.
Answering the following questions:
• What makes you feel good? What activities do you find fun, satisfying, or energizing?
Keep on working hard, having a good family. Not sure about what activities i find fun, satisfying, and/or energizing. Whenever I put myself out, I feel exhausted afterwards. However, some activity makes me feel good -- like working hard and/or playing hard. Other time-killing activity just makes me feel real bad about myself.
• What makes you feel bad? What are sources of anger, irritation, boredom, frustration, or anxiety in your life?
Uncertainty makes me feel anxiety -- I think too much some time, or most of the time.
• Is there any way in which you don’t feel right about your life? Do you wish you could change your job, city, family situation, or other circumstances? Are you living up to your expectations for yourself? Does your life reflect your values?
I have too high expectation of myself. I feel my life is really great right now. Have a good job, living in a very diversified, international big city, and have a great husband (though sometimes annoying :)) and two perfect kids! My current life reflects my value much more than before. Since I have really high expectation of myself, I tend to feel I could do better, etc. Though many others may feel I'm already doing really good. :( This is something I cannot control, however. Or can I?
• Do you have sources of an atmosphere of growth? In what elements of your life do you find progress, learning, challenge, improvement, and increased mastery?
I want to grow in my professional life, since I have the perfect job. However, there seems to have too much for me to do. I need more patience with myself, and my progress. The thing is I always want to learn new things, and along with it, more challenges just keep coming up. Need to focus more on increased mastery.
http://www.earlyamerica.com/lives/franklin/
http://blog.sayan.ee/autobiography-of-benjamin-franklin/
Benjamin Franklin's Chart of 13 Virtues:
Temperance: Eat not to dullness. Drink not to elevation.
Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself. Avoiding trifling conversation.
Order: Let all your things have their places. Let each part of your business have its time.
Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought. Perform without fail what you resolve.
Frugality: Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself. Waste nothing.
Industry: Lose no time. Be always employed in something useful. Cut off all unnecessary actions.
Sincerity: Use no hurtful deceit. Think innocently and justly. Speak accordingly.
Justice: Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
Moderation: Avoid extremes. Forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
Cleanliness: Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation.
Tranquility: Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
Chastity: Rarely use venery but for health or offspring; never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation.
Humility: Imitate Jesus and Socrates
How it can be used:
An example scheme of employment for the 24 hours of a natural day.
Rubin Grechen gave a good example of what need to be achieve over a 12 months period since any habit takes at least 23 days to become a habit.
ReplyDeleteThe first month is to Boost Energy -- since energy and vitality is a MUST have for anything else.
go to sleep earlier: get ready to sleep at 10pm
exercise better: try to exercise at least 5 days a week
tackle a nagging task
act more energetic
Will create a chart for the first month in excel. :)
Realize it'll be hard for me to exercise 5 days a week right now, unless I can get up around 5am. However, i can start from exercising during the weekend (Saturday and Sunday) and maybe on Wednesday when I stay at home.
ReplyDeleteAnother thing to get me energized and physically better is to remember to take those dietary supplements -- they really helped me before and should help me now.
Some comments I read about marriage -- just when I thought my marriage is good, I learned "not take my husband for granted." :)
ReplyDeletehttp://happiness-project.com/happiness_project/2011/09/5-mistakes-i-continue-to-make-in-my-marriage/
Many good comments for the post too. Here are some that makes me smile:
About household chore (could be anything, this comment uses dishwashing or rather process the dishwasher as an example):
being the one to process the dishwasher, as follows:
1) I care about the dishes more than anyone else, why shouldn't I do them?2) It's a gift to my household and myself to just do them and not scorekeep; besides, being remembered for nagging is not the primary impression I want to leave on people who love me.3) I'm incredibly fortunate that I am still able to do the dishes. Not everyone is so lucky...imagine caring strongly about an everyday chore and not being capable of fixing it yourself, and having to arrange it done.
Another good comment: "The biggest mistake I've made in my marriage is expecting my husband to make me happy. Im sorry to say it took me 23 years of marriage to realize my happiness was my responsibility." I feel lucky since I realized that now. However, in reality, I still wish/hope my husband can make me happy. :)
A good trick to use when I want to snap at anybody, especially my dear hubby: "We share the snapping tendency. Here's a trick I use: when I am about to say something nasty, I stop and ask myself, "Would I be proud of myself if I watched this on video later?" Bottom line is I have to live with the words that come out of my mouth, and the tone in which they are said. "
Another comment about snapping: The thing about snapping, is that it tends to derive from a mood where you are already calculating or weighing the unfairness of something...and here's what I do when I am calculating, work or home. I remind myself, It's not all about me. Because I LOVE me, I rally for me, I defend ME like an angry mama-bear. But I am rarely under attack, so there is nothing to defend. And whatever other people are doing that makes me feel put upon, well, that is circumstantial, and also, NOT about ME.
another interesting fact: Another study showed that women who got hugs several times a day from their husbands had lower blood pressure than those who didn’t get hugged as often.
More about KMHMTM (Kiss more, Hug more, Touch more): Expressing affection (in whatever way you express it) makes a big difference in relationships. For instance, people are 47% more likely to feel close to family members who frequently express affection than to those who rarely do so.
I think I should not worry about my happiness project if I'm already happy.
DeleteOne of dw's strength is her propensity to discharge discontent right away through nagging. Nagging should be regarded as a trait instead of weakness - if it comes natural for the majority, then men should realize they better learn how to adapt to it instead of reacting with defiance/annoyance.
ReplyDelete